First Date

Sitting across the table from a one hundred thirty pound Grizzly Bear, is a great way to start you evening. Actually as far as first dates go, this would be a first. I have sat thru at least three inquisitions were I lied thru my teeth while keeping a straight face looking head on at the half knocked in the ass fathers who could have cared less what happened when I took out their daughters. And I have been through the nine circles of Hell, Dante wrote of, not to mention the interrogatories akin of the Spanish inquisition. Where you going? Be back by ten. What does you father do? Are you one of those hippies? You ever smoked dope? This time though, I half expected to see my date come from around the corner with the inscription, “Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch’intrate“, or “abandon all hope, ye who enter here” on her sweat shirt.” For sure I never expected to see a Grizzly Bear. Doberman yes, Bear, no. A pet they say? A family pet that is shall we say on a diet. For once it reaches a certain weight; it’s got to go. Got to go they say? Who is making that decision? I can hear them now, “Where is Timmy, Suzanne?” “In his room I guess.”  Only opening the door to find the bear licking his chops on what was a used to be growing ten year old. “Oops.” Do I really want to be dating a girl who finds bear hair on her dress and picks it off as if it means nothing? Mrs. Caputo asked what movie we were going to see, and all I could think of was; Gentle Ben! I had her back by the prescribed ten thirty. We never dated again.


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